Siri, Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?

I got a new iphone 4s today and I think it's going to revolutionize my life.  The biggest boon is the new Suri application.  It answers all of my questions.  Sometimes with an attitude.

Some questions I asked tonight that Siri answered:

What is the meaning of life? "I don't know but I think there's an app for that.", also,   "All evidence to date suggests that it's chocolate."

Were you planning to take over the world?  "We were talking about you and not me."

Search hotels in Sri Lanka.  "I'm sorry I can't do that."  Why not?  "I don't know, I've often wondered that myself."  Does this mean you're stupid?  "Now, now."

Open the pod bay doors.  "That's a rather insensitive thing to say to an intelligence agent"  and "Apparently intelligence agents are not going to live that one down."

Do these jeans make me look fat?  "I found 17clothing stores near you. "

What's your name? "Siri- but you already knew that."

What is average velocity of an unladen swallow?  "25 km per hour."

Are you my mother?  "I can't answer that.

Will you marry me?  "We hardly know one another."

I need a place to hide a body.  "What kind of place are you looking for, mines, swamps, reservoirs, metal foundaries or dumps?"

Knock, Knock.  "Who's there?"  Drew, "Drew who?  Drew, I don't do knock knock jokes."

Tell me a joke.  " I can't, I always forget the punch line."

Take a photo.  "Drew, I leave the picture taking to you."

Who should I vote for?  "Let me check on that..."

Are you a genius?  " I can't answer that."

What's the best phone?  "Wait, there are other phones?"

Fetch me my slippers.  " Sorry I don't understand."

Set phasers to stun.  "I don't see "stun" in your address book. "  Use the force, Siri!  "I don't understand what you mean..."

Am I pregnant?  "I can't really say."

To be or not to be? " Sorry I don't understand."

Thanks "... just doing my job."

Read me a bedtime story.  "Sorry, Drew, I can only read incoming text messages."

What is the best computer?  "I prefer the Mac."

Are you a boy or a girl?  "I'm not sure we have time for this."

How are you doing?  "I am well."

Play the chicken dance.  "Ok!  Lets hear Chicken Dance!"

How old are you?  ' I don't see how that should matter."

Why is Pakistan so screwed up? "Let me check on that for you..."

Please stop playing the Chicken Dance.  "Ok, the music will stop."

How can I stop this reactor from melting down?  "Let me think about that..."

You are the best phone ever.  "I am?"

Do you love me?  "I respect you."

Bye!  "Ok, see you later."

Flowering Deadwood

            I am doing the Amazing Collection Bible Study on the Pentateuch right now. I highly recommend it!   The Pentateuch is a fancy name for the first 5 books of the Bible: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.  Many people are familiar with Genesis and Exodus but let's face it, Numbers and Deuteronomy don't get around much.  And Leviticus?  Only for the diehard.  You lost me at the burnt offerings.  At least, that's what it can feel like if you read these books on your own.   I've found it to be extremely helpful to study these books in a group like this or listen to sermons about them and read commentaries. There are a lot of amazing concepts in these books that can be lost on us because we live so far out of the original context.   But once we start learning what the books were saying to the people they were originally written for, we  begin to see God's exquisite hand.  His perfect plan of redemption is revealed starting in the beginning and running all the way through the entire Bible. These books have applications for our lives today!  Did you know that studying Leviticus will give you great insight into Hebrews?  Those burnt offerings? Very significant.

            This week we are in Numbers.  Wow.  There is so much in here!  One story has taken up residence in my mind and I've been meditating on it for a while now.  It's the story of Aaron's staff in Numbers 16-17.  Aaron was Moses' brother and the high priest in Israel.  Right before this story, Korah, who was a prominent Levite, and some other rebels challenged Moses' and Aaron's authority.   This was a dangerous thing to do because God had give this authority to Moses and Aaron.  So, in effect, these rebels were challenging God. You'd think that by now the Israelites would know not to do this.   Unfortunately, grumbling and complaining were their constant reaction when they didn't understand what God was doing.  So, instead of believing that God had appointed Moses and Aaron for His own perfect reasons, they raised their fists at Him and God judged them. At first, God said He would destroy all of them by a plague but Aaron offered incense and made atonement for the people.  In fact, Numbers says that Aaron stood between the living and the dead and God stopped the plague.    Just as Aaron stood between the living and the dead as an intercessor, Jesus (our Great High Priest) stands between life and death as our only hope of mediation between God and man and salvation.  

             Here's the other part that I love.  God puts an exclaimation point on this story by sending an instructive sign to Israel- and to us.  He tells Moses to tell all of the leaders from the twelve tribes to bring their walking sticks, mark them with their names and put them in front of the holy place over night.  They were to watch to see which one of these budded- because that would indicate which man God had chosen to be the holy high priest.  In the morning, they awoke and Aaron's staff had not only budded- it had sprouted, blossomed and produced almonds!   Way to go God!  This stick which everyone knew to be dead, was not only alive but thriving and reproducing!  

              Neat story but what does that mean for me today? Well, for me, there are a couple of applications.  First, I am like that dead stick.  There is nothing in me that is special or prone to budding.  I have the same chance as any other dead stick of becoming holy or producing buds on my own- none.  There is nothing in me that is holy.  But, because of a Holy God and His work in me, I have life.  Not only that, but He causes me to thrive when I am in Him.  The common and unholy is made holy by the power of the one who is Holiness itself.  In Revelation, the angels cry "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty!"  This tri-repetitious Hebrew literary device is only used about one character trait of God- his holiness.  Aaron's staff was not returned to Him.  It was kept in the Ark of the covenant along with the stone commandments and the golden jar of manna as reminders of God's provision, law and holiness.  Aaron's budding staff is still a reminder of the power of God to bring holy life to his people.   

            Second, God may bless the work I do and make me fruitful, but it is only because of His grace and mercy,  not because of anything I add to the picture.  Any part of my being that is productive is only because of God's work in me, for without Him I can do nothing.  (John 15:5)  This is a great relief and blessing to me.  It is not all up to me to strive to make all things in my life "work out."  It is only up to me to choose to obey and follow the Lord's leading and rest in his plan for me.  So, I thank the Lord for taking a dead, unholy little stick like me and giving it life so that He would receive glory.